Redwolf's Woman Page 4

  Minutes later, she was headed down the highway toward Jared's place, wondering why she felt so guilty.

  Because you're holding on to secrets and past hurts that need to be set free, she chided herself.

  She barely saw the road, barely heard the country music spilling from the radio or Lily singing along. Coming home was like facing every fear she'd ever had. And today would be the most difficult—facing Jared. In his home.

  She smiled, her mind drifting backward. Long ago, in her little bedroom facing the barn, she'd sat on her window seat and watched him, back against the barn door with a lantern beside him, working on prospectuses, drafting letters to clients, studying the markets. So controlled, so serious when he needed to be—but patient when the situation called for it. At those moments, she'd imagined him coming home to her in their house, kissing her hello. It sure wouldn't have been a peck on the lips. No sir. Not even when they'd been married for twenty years. It would've been a ten-minute affair at the door, her back to the wall, his knee pressed in between her quivering thighs.

  A balmy breeze rushed through the car window, assailing her as though it were determined to make her warmer still. As if that were possible when she was already thinking of Jared, she mused, slowing the car and turning right at Wes Lamb's place.

  In spite of herself and the bumpiness of the gravel road, she returned to her childish fantasies of Mr. and Mrs. Redwolf. Back to that very thorough kissing session at the front door and afterward when she'd take his hand and steer him into the dining room. He'd eat two helpings of her home-cooked dinner, all the while telling her how delicious it was—and how delicious she was, he'd add with a devilish wink. Then they'd proceed to the bedroom, if they could keep their hands off each other for that long, to work on the big family they both wanted.

  Ava glanced in the rearview mirror at her daughter and smiled a little sadly. Brothers and sisters for Lily.

  "Look, Mommy."

  Ava stopped the car directly in front of a driveway. A very, very long driveway with two enormous iron gates. One stood open, one remained closed—emblazoned with a bronze R in the center. R for Redwolf. Her palms felt damp against the steering wheel. Just the heat, she assured herself.

  She'd heard that Jared had done well for himself, that he had a large home with acres of land to call his own. But, Ava mused, as she pulled into the driveway and whizzed past the bronze R, this was far past doing well. The land on either side of them was vast and lush and evidently prosperous.

  "Look, horsies," Lily called, pointing to three chestnut beauties grazing in the distance.

  "Wonderful, aren't they?" Ava said. "Which one would you ride?"

  "All of 'em." Lily giggled. "Like at the circus."

  They continued to chatter about the little things that made up country life as Ava drove slowly up the long gravel driveway. But a stunned silence overcame them both when they pulled into the circular driveway and beheld one of the most beautiful houses they'd ever seen.

  Sheltered between two imposing oaks stood a three story sage-green farmhouse with white trim and a gabled roof. Red and purple flowers decorated the deep planters that were bordered by taller plants and shrubs, while window boxes filled with masculine-looking plants in shades of rust and amber decorated every other window. But the house's true glory was its wraparound porch. It was massive, matched the white trim and housed a swing for two. The columns that held up the porch's roof were intricately carved with signs and symbols that Ava recognized as Cheyenne, but she didn't have any idea what they said or represented.

  As she stepped out of the car, she noticed those remarkable Cheyenne baskets that she'd come to love so much gracing the steps that led to the house. Each was filled with herbs and strawberry plants. Then she noticed the woman who made those beautiful baskets descending the steps herself.

  "Haahe," she greeted them in Cheyenne as she moved toward Ava with the grace of a gazelle. "It's so wonderful to see you."

  "Hello, Muna." Tears welled in Ava's throat as the old woman gathered her up in her arms and squeezed tightly.

  "Jared!" Lily shouted, car door slamming. She ran toward him, up the steps and embraced him around the legs. She said with great enthusiasm, "I got carrots."

  Ava glanced up and saw him, master of the house, handsome as hell, standing just outside the front door. And then he made a heart-wrenching move; he picked up her child.

  With worn jeans, a white T-shirt and work boots, he was dressed like a typical Texas cowboy, although he was anything but. He was long, lean and oozed authority, his black hair pulled off his strong, angular face—that sun-bronzed face where piercing eyes dwelled.

  Be still my heart, Ava thought as she walked beside Muna toward him.

  * * *

  Jared watched Lily with the horses, amazed at how fearless and full of life the little girl was. "She's a natural, Ava."

  Ava smiled. "Thanks for letting her come today."

  "I'm happy to have her."

  He and Ava stood side by side at the barn door, watching Muna show Lily how to brush down the very pregnant Appaloosa. The horse was tied to a hitching ring attached to the outside of her stall in the wide aisle that ran down the center of the barn, looking amazingly calm. At first Jared had been wary about letting the little girl get too close to the horse. Tayka had been a bit skittish lately, not wanting too many people around her. But as soon as Lily had offered her a carrot, stroking the broad white blaze that ran from Tayka's forelock to her velvety nose, the horse had seemed to fall under the child's spell.

  "Look at Tayka," Jared whispered to Ava. "How calm she is. I've never seen her act this way with anyone."

  "Lily loves animals. She'd spend every moment with them if she could."

  Why wouldn't she look at him? he wondered, taking in her ironing-board posture and tense jaw. "She has a gift, Ava. It's a shame that you live in a big city. She should be around animals more often."

  "I'd love to give her that," she said, still watching Lily, a hitch in her voice.

  "But?" he prompted, curious.

  She turned to face him then. "New York is our home."

  "And you want her to be close to her father?"

  The tension hung between them like a velvet curtain. Her eyes darkened as she bit her lip. "Something like that."

  Jared turned around and leaned back against the barn door. He was saying far too much, getting far too friendly. However much he liked Lily, she was the daughter of a woman he wasn't going to see ever again after today. Like Ava herself, kids simply weren't in his future. Not that he hadn't always wanted a couple—or three or four. But you had to get married to raise children properly. And marriage wasn't in his plans. Kids deserved two parents that loved them and each other.

  Jared's hands balled into fists. If he ever did become a father, he'd make damn sure to be a good one. Not like his own father. The man who had abandoned him and his mother the minute he'd found out she was pregnant.

  But since he wasn't willing to start anything that lasted more than a month, the making of a family was likely to happen. And it was just as well. He wasn't going down that road again. He liked being single.

  Muna rose from her little stool beside Lily. "I think it's time to fix our guests some lunch, Jared."

  "No, thank you, Muna," Ava said quickly. "Lil, we should really get going. We'll stop at the diner for something."

  Jared laid a hand on her arm and felt her shiver beneath it. "You like bologna and cheese, Lily?"

  The little girl nodded enthusiastically. "My favorite."

  He turned to Ava, leaving his hand on her arm, trying not to notice how soft her skin was—trying not to remember all the other places she was just as soft. "Why don't we go up to the house and make some sandwiches?"

  Ava threw him an anxious glance and eased her arm away.

  "Go ahead you two," Muna called. "I'll stay with Lily."

  Ava looked as though she were trying to appear calm. "Are you sure, Muna?"


  Jared glanced over at her sharply, knowing that she was afraid to be alone with him and wondering what she was thinking. He reined in the anger and frustration at all that had changed since they'd held each other in the dark and whispered words of love all those years ago.

  Muna nodded at Ava, her eyes shining. "I'm very sure. We are having fun." She winked at Lily. "Yes, Little Star?"

  The little girl grinned from ear to ear.

  "All right," Ava acquiesced. "Just be careful. We'll be back soon."

  Little Star? Jared mused as he and Ava walked up the hill toward the house. It had been Muna's name for him when he was small and he wondered why she would call Ava's child something so dear and familiar.

  "Your place is beautiful, Jared," Ava said as he held the front door open for her.

  Small talk. He could deal with small talk for now. "Thanks. I'm proud of it."

  "You should be." She glanced up at him as she brushed past him. "And of yourself for creating it."

  He smiled at that, inexplicably pleased by her praise. "Kitchen's through there." Why'd she have to look so pretty? So enticing with her blond curls piled on top of her head, showing off her long neck? He couldn't help but stare. Her legs stretched on for days in those tan shorts she wore. And that shirt—pale pink and formfitting. Had she seen his dream, too? Known that that color would drive him mad, make him break out into a sweat, perhaps cause him to forget why he'd invited her here?

  It was odd, but he'd never let any woman but Muna journey past the foyer of his house. Why did he have to break that practice now, and with this woman?

  He watched her as she stopped to admire the table his grandfather had carved so many years ago. She ran a hand over the smooth surface, pausing at the tiny crack Jared had accidentally inflicted on it when he was six years old.

  As much as he didn't want her to be in his house, to see his things, he felt the need to explain the table's wound. "I used this table as a military headquarters when I was a kid. Trucks, men, big, sharp rocks, tanks. I loved playing army. With all the wear, I'm surprised there's just a little scratch."

  Ava watched his expression turn childlike as he described the scene. She never thought she'd miss him so much just being with him, but she did. She said softly, "I remember you telling me that. You liked to beat up men and pick on poor defenseless women, right?"

  "I've never known a defenseless woman."

  "I was one."

  He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

  On a chuckle, Ava moved to give him a playful sock on the arm. But Jared was too quick for her, nabbing her wrist and pulling her tight against him so she couldn't move. He asked, "Are you going to behave?"

  Breathing seemed impossible as she stared up at him, into those dark eyes, but she managed a faint, "Are you?"

  He pulled her closer. "I don't know. Do you want me to?"

  Ava's mind dotted with memories—being this near to him. That moonless summer night when they went swimming in the lake just outside of town, nude, their bodies pressed against each other, legs entwined, lips desperate…

  Perhaps he heard her mind's silent call, perhaps not—but before she could answer he pulled away.

  "Yeah, I really messed up that table," he said, his tone calm, his gaze black. "But all kids do stupid things, right? I bet your dad has a story or two about you and Rita."

  She smiled awkwardly, trying to ignore the heat riding waves through her body. "More like five or six." Her gaze fell. "I should have asked him to give me a few when I saw him today. Then you wouldn't have been the only one sharing past foibles."

  He inhaled deeply, remarked, "So, how is the man? I hear his ranch is in trouble."

  Rita had mentioned something along those lines, but Ava hadn't wanted to hear the details. That place held so many memories, good and bad. "I don't know what's going to happen to the ranch or what my father's going to do. I haven't seen or talked to him since I left Paradise—until today, that is."

  Jared's gaze snapped to hers in surprise. "You haven't spoken to your father in four years?"

  "No, I haven't." She looked away. "We should get those sandwiches. Lily gets cranky if her stomach's empty for too long."

  Though his mind and gut yearned for answers, Jared decided not to press her. Besides, her feelings about her father shouldn't be any of his business. But as he led her into the kitchen, questions burned in his mind. Why hadn't she talked to him in all that time? She couldn't possibly know what Ben had done to him after she'd left. God knows, Ben wouldn't have offered the information.

  And why was she acting so nervous? Had New York City changed her so much? Or was it the husband?

  Hell, he wanted to know everything that had happened to her, starting with the last night he'd seen her. But when he noticed her standing in the center of his kitchen, his brain temporarily shut down. She was looking around the room, her hands on her hips, her back arched, her breasts jutting out. The same need that had rose up to claim him back in the dining room sprung up to claim him once again. What would have happened if he'd actually kissed her like he'd wanted to? he wondered.

  "So what can I do?" she asked him.

  Now that was a question, he thought darkly. When he'd first moved in here, how many times had he thought about the two of them stretched out on the cool red tiles beneath his feet? His groin tightened painfully. What an idiot.

  "The bologna and cheese are in the fridge," he said, forcing an impassive tone into his voice. "I'll get the bread."

  "I've never seen a kitchen like this." She walked up to the large, Sub-Zero refrigerator. "Fireplace, comfy chairs and a large, family-style table. It's so impressive and well … homey."

  "Not what you expected, huh?"

  "No."

  Jared relied on the only emotion that could quell his desire for her: cynicism. "Surprised the mixed blood's not still living in the back of your father's barn?"

  She shut the refrigerator door and turned to face him. "Why would you say something like that? I compliment you and you turn it into something ugly. Is this just about being angry? Are you trying to misunderstand me?"

  He tossed the loaf of bread on the counter oh-so-casually. "I think our misunderstanding started a long time ago. The day you left without a word."

  "So this is about anger." She fiddled with the twist tie on the bread, not opening it. "You knew where I was, Jared. You didn't exactly come running after me."

  "I don't chase women who don't want to be caught."

  "And I don't beg men to follow me."

  He opened the package of bologna. "A simple goodbye would've been enough."

  She looked away for a moment, then back. "I'm surprised you even missed me."

  She would never know how much. "Don't worry about that, darlin'. I got over it pretty quick. Surest way to forget one woman is to find another."

  Her eyes went wide, and she looked as though he'd just slapped her. "Is that why you didn't take my call that night? Because you were entertaining a woman?"

  He hadn't taken her call that night, one year to the day after she'd left, because it would've killed him. He forced a hard smile to his lips. "I wouldn't exactly call it entertaining."

  Two bright red spots colored her cheeks. "I should go."

  "You're not running away again, dammit!"

  "Fine," she shouted at him. "Why don't you just say what you need to say and let's end this?"

  He felt his anger wash through him as he crossed the room in four easy strides. Standing directly in front of her, he said, "I want the whole truth."

  "I can't tell you everything, Jared. And what I can say probably won't satisfy you."

  "I'm not looking for you to satisfy me." He gritted his teeth. She was the only woman who had ever truly satisfied him. Why the hell did she have to be the one who infuriated him the most as well? He felt the heat rushing off her body, but didn't give in to its power. "I want to know why you didn't come to me all those years ago, why you didn't at least let me know you were l
eaving?"

  She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I couldn't."

  "That's no answer."

  They were so close he could see the tiny gold flecks in her troubled green eyes, smell the floral perfume that she'd worn since high school. He cursed under his breath. Why did he want to shake her and kiss her at the same time?

  "I … I had to leave, Jared. My father didn't give me any choice."

  "You're going to blame this on your father?"

  "No. I blame myself, but I'm trying to explain the circumstances."

  He raked a hand through his hair. "What could the circumstances possibly have been? I thought we had something."

  She touched his arm. "We did."

  "You just had something more with that guy in New York."

  She dropped her hand. "No."

  "Dammit, Ava. Then what was it?" He shook his head. "What was so important that you could leave like that?"

  "I had to go … I was afraid if I didn't—"

  "Mommy?" Lily called from the other room.

  Breath held, Ava just stared at him. "Jared—"

  "This is far from over," he whispered.

  "Mommy?"

  Ava nodded at him, then called out to her daughter, "I'm here, Lil."

  The little girl appeared at the door, Muna beside her. The older woman looked from Jared to Ava. "She wanted to show you both something out in the pasture."

  "Jared has a pony," Lily said happily. "I walked him round the … the…" She looked over at Muna.

  "The corral, Little Star."

  Ava smiled down at her. "That's wonderful, Lil."

  "You're on your way to becoming a real horsewoman," Jared said, his voice softening along with the rest of him.

  The little girl's eyes grew wide. "I am?"

  He nodded as Ava went over to her and took her hand. "We have to go, honey. I have a fitting at Mrs. Benton's in half an hour. I'll get you something at the diner."

  "I'm not so hungry. I ate carrots and Muna gave me bread with corn in it." Lily gave Muna a big hug, then ran to Jared.

  He hugged the little girl tightly, feeling altogether too melancholy that they were leaving. "Did you have fun today?"